


held

by paranormalbouquet



Category: The Real Bros of Simi Valley (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23397394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranormalbouquet/pseuds/paranormalbouquet
Summary: the thing is though, he was normally by himself when his thoughts got to be too much to bare. but this time, aldis was here.
Relationships: Wade Sanders & Aldis (The Real Bros of Simi Valley)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	held

**Author's Note:**

> here’s this. i spent way too long on it but it’s done now.  
> (special shoutout to gabe, can, star, and anya. love u all sm)

wade sanders was really the sweetest person anyone could ever meet. it wasn’t until you really  _ really _ got to know him that you would come to understand his mind was like a prison to him. 

sometimes the gates are open and he’s able to express himself creatively, an outlet for him to regulate his overly-active brain. the boy adores art. he’ll go on for hours taking pictures, molding clay, painting anything he could get his hands on, whatever he wanted to do, he did it freely and confidently. he’s happy in those moments. but that’s only one part of his mind.

when the gates close, he’s creatively paralyzed. those damn gates, completely out of his control, would close and that’s when he was left with his own thoughts and insecurities endlessly pacing laps around the jail cell that was his mind.

during these times, he would recall every interaction he’s had with any other person, past or present, and he’d send it through inspection. the results, if he was comfortable and satisfied with the way an interaction went, he was able to put it away with no problem. but if he found something he didn’t like, no matter how small in reality, it was stuck pacing those goddamn laps. a confined space can only hold so many things though. the cell would eventually reach capacity and the only thing left for wade to do would be to just break down, until those gates opened up again. in the meantime, he just had to try and drown it all out with tears which were always part of the capacity breakdown.

the thing is though, he was normally by himself when his thoughts got to be too much to bare. he would always end up in his bed sobbing and holding himself until he felt better and was able to coax himself out of it. but this time, aldis was here. 

wade was on his laptop working on promotional stuff for dunc surf but he hadn’t made much progress over the past hour, his mind doing what it did best, over thinking.

“yo, you good, bud?” aldis asked in the most caring tone wade thought he had ever heard. and that, actually, could be entirely true. 

he’s never really had anyone to delicately care for him like he needs. of course he’s always had xander, but xan just doesn’t really do emotions, doesn’t really understand the meaning of being delicate except for maybe with his own son. so when aldis came into his life, wade instantly noticed how differently he treated him. he was more caring and kind and accepting than anyone wade had ever met. 

“yeah. i’m fine,” wade felt his vocal cords move as he stared at his laptop screen and he heard a voice come from his mouth, but it didn’t sound like himself.

normally, wade was expressive, joyous, and cheerful. he was sweet and a shining light to anyone around him. but now, he felt completely detached from himself and if anyone was going to pick up on how different wade’s vibes were, it was going to be aldis. 

“okay… but i just want you to know i'm here for you, dude. always.”

wade nodded softly, not looking up at aldis because he was afraid of what might happen if he did. and so those were the last words spoken for the next forty minutes. they sat in silence, not awkward but it definitely felt heavy to wade who’s thoughts continued pacing in his head, getting closer and closer to capacity as the minutes went by.

wade took a deep breath in and along with his breath out, he started talking before he could stop himself.

“my, uh,” wade began, his eyes trained on his hands that were folded in his lap, picking at his thumbnails anxiously, “my friends made these… these shirts that say 'wade doesn't burn' on them… and…” he almost scolds himself, “it’s stupid— i’m just so fucking stupid because it’s not even that big of a deal. like this… this has been their joke with me for so long and,” he paused, sounding so incredibly defeated. he still didn’t recognize his own voice. “i just… i fucking hate it, dude. i don’t get why they can't just drop it. i—” and those damn tears that just  _ always  _ had to come alongside started to well up in his eyes. one spilled out onto his perfectly freckle dusted cheek and he was quick to bury his face in the palms of his hands. “i just want it to stop,” he sobbed out, muffled by his hands, “i just…”

“wade, hey, it's okay,” aldis got up and slid over to where wade was sitting. “it’s okay,” he guided wade to rest his head on his chest by cupping the back of his head with his palm. “you’re okay,” aldis cooed, using his thumb to softly caress the side of wade’s face.

he sobbed into aldis’ shirt. part of his compromised brain told him to just stop, to get a hold of himself because he was getting aldis’ shirt all wet and nasty from his tears and runny nose. but the other part of his brain was flicking all the switches, pushing all the buttons, telling him this was  _ the only _ thing his weak body was capable of doing right now. so he sunk deeper into aldis’ arms, the shirt collecting all of his sobs.

his insecurities didn’t help the situation much either because now, he was overwhelmed not only by the issue he just shared, but with the fact that aldis was there. 

because he was a burden. 

he felt terrible for wrapping aldis into his bullshit, for this to happen while he’s here. wade thought about how if he could’ve just controlled himself a little bit better, aldis wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced by him right now. because that’s what this is.  _ that’s  _ what he was. an inconvenience. 

dealing with his emotions had always been an inconvenience to everyone around him. it’s been like that for as long as he could remember. 

once in the 4th grade, wade’s best friend started drifting from him, playing with other people during recess, not sitting next to him at lunch, all that. and wade was heartbroken. on the school bus ride home, all he could think about was if he did something to make him not like him anymore. clearly he had to have done something, right? this was all on him. it had to be. it was all his fault that his best friend wouldn’t talk to him anymore. he didn’t cry until he got home and closed his bedroom door behind himself. right then and there, he slid his back down the wooden door until he was sitting on the floor and he could bury his face in his knees. he cried and cried and cried. no one came to check up on him for the hours he was in his room beating himself up over this. 

eventually, he resurfaced and built up the courage to talk to his mom about the issue. maybe then he would feel better. but she was no help at all. wade started to talk to her and her attention was on him for maybe thirty seconds before she shifted her focus back to word search she was trying to complete in her favorite book. 

“mom,” wade said, trying to pull her attention back to him after already having told the whole story.

“what?” she answered, clearly annoyed by the interruption. 

“what should i do?” he asked helplessly, desperately seeking consolation from his mother. she looked up at him, disdain deep in her eyes.

“i don’t know, honey. figure it out,” she told him, exasperated as she fixed her attention on her word search again.

there was this other time in high school where he was dating this girl but the relationship broke him down into a person who was virtually unrecognizable from his true self. towards the beginning it was all good and fun. they liked each other, had a bunch of their classes with each other, even hung out with each other a little bit outside of school. but as time went on, she started to pick on wade. every day, she would increasingly point out little things she didn’t like about him. little things about his personality, little things about his appearance, stuff like that. and wade being the person he is, he listened to her and took into account every single thing she critiqued about him. she told him she didn’t like his cologne so he went out and got a different one. she told him she didn’t like the way he laughed, so he forced himself to laugh differently. she told him she didn’t like the way he dressed, so he went out and spent his money on new outfits. each and every day, she took a little part of him away from himself. 

when he approached his dad to talk about what was happening and how he was feeling, it didn’t go well. which isn’t different from what wade deep inside expected but he just so badly wanted and needed to make some sort of meaningful connection, a bond with someone in his life and he thought maybe, just maybe he’d get lucky. maybe if he tried talking to him about his “girl problems” they’ll be able to connect. but just as wade started explaining to him what was happening, his dad got a phone call from one of his buddies, picked it up while wade was mid sentence, and left. 

he had told wade “one second,” with no real intention behind it and just up and left to talk with someone that wasn’t his son. was he really  _ that  _ unimportant? he guessed so because his dad didn’t return to him after he hung up. he probably forgot they ever even had that interaction. 

at dinner that night, wade thought about bringing it up again but there was no point.

even as aldis held him and stroked his hair and told him over and over that it was okay, wade still thought he was being a nuisance. because that was what he’d been conditioned to think. to think people didn’t care enough about him to spend their time listening to him. 

“i’m sorry,” wade let out, his voice shaky and weak. “i’m so sorry. you’d probably rather be anywhere else right now. you don’t deserve this… fuck, i’m sorry. it’s fucked of me to put my bullshit on you,” he rambled as he squirmed in aldis’ arms and tried to remove himself from the embrace, to set aldis free from being tangled in his problems, “i’m sorry, i should just—”

“breathe wade,” aldis interrupted him, his arms holding wade tighter the more he moved, “please. just stop. pause, wade. stop thinking,” he stroked wade’s hair and almost whispered his next words. “there is nowhere i'd rather be than here.”

and it hit wade. someone wanted to be here with him. this was the first time anyone had ever said something like that to him. aldis  _ wanted _ to sit here and talk to him. he  _ wanted  _ to he here.

_ there was nowhere else aldis would rather be. _

and so finally, wade stopped moving as he allowed aldis to just talk to him. and in the silence after he was done speaking, wade let aldis’ words sink into him, he let himself expel his own thoughts. finally. his head was clear. there was peace. that jail cell in his mind not only completely empty, but almost a figment as it sort of faded away in his relaxation. wade finally allowed himself the privilege of aldis’ arms holding him, so tight, so close, so protected.

“i know you said it’s not that big of a deal,” aldis’ comforting voice cut through the silence, “but wade… it is to you. and that’s all that matters. your friends,  _ they’re _ the ones who don’t think it’s that big of a deal. but wade, even just sitting over there, i could tell it was eating you up on the inside. it’s okay to not feel the way they feel. it’s okay to be yourself. you’re important too.”

the peace that came over wade’s mind was almost euphoric, now not giving a second or even first thought as to why aldis could do this to him.

“i don’t think you’re stupid, wade,” aldis continued, rubbing patterns on wade’s small back. “i think you’re so smart and intelligent and creative. more than you know. and you’re so passionate and it’s all what makes you  _ you _ ,” and wade was tearing up for a different reason now. “i know you hate feeling like you’re different from your friends, i know that. but wade you have to see, it’s what makes you unique and why i like you. embrace it, bud. i know you have the confidence to, wade. i see it in every single piece of your beautiful art.”

aldis finally grabbed either side of wade’s face and guided his head so they were looking into each other’s eyes. wade’s eyes the most mysterious and beautiful shade of hazel aldis had ever seen. here in this moment though, wade’s eyes were puffy from crying, pink tear tracks painted down his cheeks, and finally aldis noticed how much more blue his eyes looked because of the tears. they were stunning. 

wade mouthed out a “thank you” as another tear fell from his right eye and aldis was quick to brush it away with his thumb. he gave wade a smile then kissed him on the forehead, solidifying the comfort being given to him.

“god,” wade let out with a sniffle after aldis released him from his embrace. they now sat across from each other, face to face. wade wiped at his own eyes to get the tears out and cleared his throat. “oh, sorry for getting your shirt all gross,” wade let out with a soft chuckle. his eyes were fixed on his hand as he delicately wiped at the wet spot on aldis’ patterned top. he knew he wouldn’t be able to wipe it away, just like with anything, it took time to dry, to clean, to get better. but it’s the thought that counts. his mind was briefly drawn to the feeling of aldis’ firm chest underneath the fabric and a weight settled in his stomach. he ignored it. 

“it’s replaceable,” aldis said simply. wade blinked. a pause. he looked up at aldis’s face. direct eye contact. “you’re not.”

**Author's Note:**

> f1esbian on twitter


End file.
